Monday, November 16, 2009

King Brian

" In the kingdom of the blind...."

Here is " King " Brian Tamaki, tailored suits, handmade shoes and with a lifestyle that would grace the pages of any womens weekly magazine.

Check him out ! Easy to see why he is New Zealand's latest "King" and " Saviour ".
Poor Brian felt that there was no place here for him to worship that catered for his narrow, homophobic, uncharitable, fundamentalist views. So he started his own church, the " Destiny Church ", it wasn't long before "King " Brian was promoted to self acclaimed " Bishop " Brian, he was listening to the voice of his god, who decreed it. How has never been revealed.

But a bishops mitre & staff don't look that good with the suits, so only last month his god ordained him " King " Brian the first. The crown will go with just about everything in his extensive wardrobe. He then called forth to his flock for 700 volunteers to be his private army, lo & behold up popped 700 males who got themselves some tailored suits, ( careful not to get a better cut of cloth than the " King " ) signed a pledge of loyalty, for which in return they were given a tacky gold ring, with an obviously fake ruby as the centre piece. The cost of signing on has not been revealed, but judging by the rings it can't have been that much.

A sign of the times in "King " Brians world is that women cannot take this oath, after all, they are too busy at home raising the young, cooking & cleaning,they don't have time for all that warrior malarky.
The 700 ( could be a TV series in that title ) now have to protect, agree with & uphold all " King " Brians pronouncements ( Shades of Berlin in 1933 anyone ? ), along with my favourite part of the oath that states " King Brian & his wife like to be suprised with gifts on their anniversary's & birthdays, " think about that, 700 presents everytime, it could take up to the next anniversary to open them. He not only changes money in the temple, he owns it !

Long live " King " Brian the first, along with all the fools who sail with him. They are funnier than New Zealand television that's for sure & guranteed to supply me with endless hours of fun at their expense, I will keep you posted.

Listening to:

Jack Kerouac... Selected poems
Bill Nelson
Talking Heads
Robert Johnson
Muddy Waters

1 comment:

Yorkshire Pudding said...

"...And I say to thee oh covenanted brethern of the Destiny Church, let us go forth into the wilderness and find this evil doubter they call David whose life has been devoted to the music of Satan and let us drag him from his bed chamber and flog him with willow wands for all his neighbours to witness. The Lord has guided me in this and we must rid these isles of Canaan of the emmisaries of The Devil sent from the corrupt and distant land they call Leeds!"