Hollywood, located in LA LA land.

" Yankee detectives are always on the T.V.
'Cos killers in America work seven days a week."

Joe Strummer

The Americanisation of my culture first began creeping in to my world in the mid Sixties, our screens began to fill with imported cop shows, where you know who the killer was within the first scene. Language that did not reflect the way real people spoke on my street & then those appalling comedies that were so inept, laughter had to be dubbed on to the soundtrack to signal that a joke had taken place. Even the poorest most destitute characters lived in well furnished comfortable homes, that looked like palaces compared to my mine.




Then there is the later re writing of classic English stories, who can forget that horrendous version of "Robin prince of thieves " from the Eighties ? Northerners with American accents ? Hah! No wonder Alan Rickman stole the show. No matter how much he played it like an English pantomime, he would never look as big a ham as Kevin Costner & his insufferable "brother " Christian Slater did, who on earth at the time of the crusades, would refer to their long lost brother as " A spoiled little rich kid " ?

I've seen the Legend of King Arthur butchered so many times it is difficult to recall the true story, even Shakespeare has suffered re writes at the hands of Hollywood hacks. Please leave things alone you know nothing about & that includes English.

Then there is the changing of our diet. Shamefully, I have been involved in this plague of three ring binder, fast food. While I understand the basis of standardisation we seem to have missed the point that Cafes & Fish Shops survived, on their ability to be different, each one original in it's approach. Where's the choice when all the Burger restaurants offer the same bland options ? Let me also kill that myth that American customer service is the best in the world. It is not, because of the rigid structure of their processes, you cannot request anything out of the ordinary, if it veers away from the goods on display they do not have the capacity to think outside the box. They are not allowed to.

Originality, trying something different, experimentation are words you cannot use in either commerce or the film industry. We are doomed to watch film after film that has no substance to it, each one with a happy ending, while eating upsized popcorn with a jumbo coke, before dashing home to watch the latest episode of life in the U.S.A.


Listening to:

Weather Report
John Coltrane
Courtney Pine
Bwa Gayac
Sonny Morgan

King Brian

" In the kingdom of the blind...."

Here is " King " Brian Tamaki, tailored suits, handmade shoes and with a lifestyle that would grace the pages of any womens weekly magazine.



Check him out ! Easy to see why he is New Zealand's latest "King" and " Saviour ".
Poor Brian felt that there was no place here for him to worship that catered for his narrow, homophobic, uncharitable, fundamentalist views. So he started his own church, the " Destiny Church ", it wasn't long before "King " Brian was promoted to self acclaimed " Bishop " Brian, he was listening to the voice of his god, who decreed it. How has never been revealed.

But a bishops mitre & staff don't look that good with the suits, so only last month his god ordained him " King " Brian the first. The crown will go with just about everything in his extensive wardrobe. He then called forth to his flock for 700 volunteers to be his private army, lo & behold up popped 700 males who got themselves some tailored suits, ( careful not to get a better cut of cloth than the " King " ) signed a pledge of loyalty, for which in return they were given a tacky gold ring, with an obviously fake ruby as the centre piece. The cost of signing on has not been revealed, but judging by the rings it can't have been that much.

A sign of the times in "King " Brians world is that women cannot take this oath, after all, they are too busy at home raising the young, cooking & cleaning,they don't have time for all that warrior malarky.
The 700 ( could be a TV series in that title ) now have to protect, agree with & uphold all " King " Brians pronouncements ( Shades of Berlin in 1933 anyone ? ), along with my favourite part of the oath that states " King Brian & his wife like to be suprised with gifts on their anniversary's & birthdays, " think about that, 700 presents everytime, it could take up to the next anniversary to open them. He not only changes money in the temple, he owns it !

Long live " King " Brian the first, along with all the fools who sail with him. They are funnier than New Zealand television that's for sure & guranteed to supply me with endless hours of fun at their expense, I will keep you posted.

Listening to:

Jack Kerouac... Selected poems
Bill Nelson
Talking Heads
Robert Johnson
Muddy Waters

Melbourne

In 2001 I travelled to Melbourne to spend three weeks writing & recording with my long term friend Lindon. We had decided to revive a project that we had begun twenty years earlier in a dingy cellar studio in Woodhouse, Leeds.
On that day we produced 4 tracks from scratch, putting the work out for the first time under the Heat Distance banner.

Two decades later we were going to recapture the spontaneity & fun of that earlier session. Parameters for the project had been heatedly discussed in a long three month e-mail conversation between Melbourne & Auckland prior to my arrival there. They were : Nothing to be brought to the studio except ideas, Do not fall in love with anything because it will change, Three weeks time limit, Everyone contributes.

The differences between the two sessions in terms of technology & equipment were vast, instead of analogue tape we had access to two digital studio's, A digital mixing desk & an unlimited number of effects to play with. The cost would be nothing as Lindon owned the studio, the original had cost Forty pounds for the day.

Work began in studio two, where I assembled basic drum tracks along with various loops & samples to use as "atmosphere ". While Lindon finished a previous commitment in Studio One, his day job. Tracks were then transferred to that studio, where work began in earnest shaping & arranging the material. It was at this time that we began working on a cover of a track from our mutual past, a version of XTC's " Senses working overtime " such an English choice for a couple of Ex Pats living at the other side of the world ! To do this we brought in Langdon on bass & Mike on drums.

When rehearsing the song it was suggested by these two that we lose the soft acoustic guitar intro & speed it up. So a punk version of the song was born, I recall Lindon muttering darkly that he was there the first time around before launching in to a blistering version of the guitar track.

We finished in the end four tracks, plus one incomplete piece, with one day to spare. It was exciting, it had highs, lows, mutiny & lots of opinions about everything. Yorkshire people have an opinion about EVERYTHING, it did however revive that day back in Leeds, if only for three weeks.

iGeek

Me.. like all of you, imagines that the latest thing is going to make my life easy....but it does not. Technology is for geeks by geeks... They are the ones who write those indecphirable instructions for the IKEA manuels, knaves that they are.
You have spent hours in your safe suburban home..putting together these intrisically devious pieces of clap board. You know what it is like to suffer the Scandinavian revenge.

Do you just "Have" to own it ? Even though it was the same as the last thing, but now somehow today, it has been re invented, with more stuff ? Stuff you do not need.
Take the iPhone, or the Nano.... No better sound, just things you do not need. Just "Enhancement". If you can do it on your phone or laptop, why do you feel the need to own more of this stuff ? Why does your ipod need to shoot video ? In my opinion, it is there to play music, a task it is wonderfull at why any other function ?

But you feel left out.....alone in the wilderness...Oh! My Goodness!... I do not have the latest thing !... My firstborn will die because I am bereaft of all things the Lord Jobs provideth.

Moores law says that what you buy today at top dollar is crap tomorrow. ( in a nutshell ).
When you buy your new shiny thing from the store, you have to accept that it is obsolete the second you sign for it.
Yet, we cannot refrain ourselves from wanting, yearning, aching, for that new shiny thing. It is better than all the shiny things on the street. We lust for it, We are totally at the mercy of the consumer state. Therefore my things are shinier than everything else...

When you buy a car you expect a decent length of time before you replace it. It is old technology, it has not changed since it was invented. It has been refined but the basic bits that make a car move are the same as they were a century ago. ( Unless you own an MG ) When you buy a mobile phone, it is obsolete within 6 months, even sooner.

Forty or maybe fifty years ago a man could fix everything in his home. With the dawn of transistor & Microchip technology that is no longer possible. Have you ever had to repair a washing machine only to be told that the part required costs more than the machine itself ? Instant obsolecence & what a waste of metal & plastic. It is easier to throw things away than try to service or repair them.

Is this what we are emerging in to ? An Orwellian version of a consumer future? A brave new world ? or more realistically, a Ballardian vision of hell....Where we play the part of a blind man, stumbling around from room to room until someone finds them a chair..in the adjascent room to where the real conversation is taking place.

Listening to:

Weather Report... A lot, Jaco Pastorious has to be the best bass player ever... discuss
John Coltrane... India....My favourite things.....Bliss

White people like us

Disgusted, Horrified, Angry...and I dont even live there anymore.
Emotions that I felt watching news reports here in NZ of the White rascist scum on television saying things like " Lets have this interview in a town that has not been ethnically cleansed of true English people "
I dont think anyone caught that little aside.

I hate the fact that people still think that way, I marched and protested in the Seventies against this rascist scum, yet here they are years later still spouting their filth. I was going to turn this entry in to a diatribe against rascism, but my feelings now are that people like this need to be given their God given democratic right to speak out...a right they would deny others,only by listening to this excrement can we possibly hope to turn the tide.

The only reason in my view ( which lets face it, is 11,600 miles away ) that these putrid pieces of hate get a platform is because the Labour party in the UK has disenfranchised their traditional voting base. They have cast the working class aside in their lustful greed for power. Now they reaping what they sow.

I have no time for rascist scum, they do however have a right to vent their hatefull spleen. The BBC should be ashamed of themselves for not giving this dog a chance to spout his feral, inbred rantings instead of letting the audience attack him. Only then would he have been able to reveal the evil secret depths of his plans for everyone.

When I look at these people I wonder how on earth they can refer to themselves as " The master race ".

Holiday Hunting

School holidays begin this weekend, the end of a term that has seen my daughter receive 2 letters from her principle, congratulating her on her outstanding work as well as an additional 4 certificates recognising her achievements in various subjects. A long way from the scared little girl of last year.

I am proud of the progress she has made & look forward to the final term of the year to see if she can consolidate the work she has done so far.
This final 3 months of the year cannot go by fast enough for me, but for now I have to think about how I am going to entertain lunchbox & speck for the next 2 weeks. hopefully we will have warm sunny days which always serve to increase the options for fun.

Apart from......

House hunting, silly phrase really as the houses do not hide, but they can be elusive. Finding the right place is a challenge, it has to be large enough for the three of us, it needs to be on a cul de sac or quiet road for safety & preferably somewhere where the neighbours are not party animals.The wonderful thing about renting a property is that if you don't like the neighbours you can just up sticks & move.

I need a place where I can write & produce music in peace, Within walking distance or a short train ride to my daughters school & that is easy for me to get to & from work. Do such places exist in west Auckland ? Fortunately the rental market is thriving here but economic pressures have driven prices up. Not that I am complaining, sometimes stumping up a little extra for what you want is worth it.

Listening to:

Erik Satie
Mozart
Carl Orf

DEAF ?

Car sound systems, are they not great? Play your music so loud it wakes up the kids & neighbours in every home you pass, because we all need to appreciate how inept your musical tastes are.
Personally I think this is a good thing.

Why is that you ask?

Because if I had the resources I would be putting my money in hearing aids. As a musician I value my ears above everything else. I know the damage that can be done to your hearing from volume in a confined space. So my idea is that everyone who thinks that having the equivalent of a 10,000 watt PA in their car, should be encouraged to do so...They should also keep the windows closed, volume works so much better in a confined space. They should indulge in it as much as they like, they should ruin their hearing forever, because at the end of the day, apart from the fact they never listened to anything intelligent or life changing, my franchise would be there to sell them deaf aids.
Imagine all those stupid deaf people, with their useless car systems, their cheap fashions & poor plastic taste, waiting for my sales person to talk to them, writing prices on a piece of paper, because they cannot hear what you are saying! But you can have it in Chav pink!!
The opportunities to enjoy and savour revenge are wonderful.

Before any of you want to comment in a PC way about my rant, I would like to advise you, my Uncle Jimmy was deaf & dumb. That in no way stopped him from having 3 wives, countless children that even now we are discovering, He never played his music loud. He did however give me big hugs & took me to the pub, with many of his numerous girl friends & wives. My best experience was in a pub in Leeds called " The Wren " where most of the clientele where either deaf, dumb or both....Yet they had a "Jukebox"?

Listening to:

Tracks for my next collection of ambient instrumentals.
Songs to post on LAST FM.
Mott The Hoople
The Editors
Elvis Costello
Be Bop Deluxe
Weather Report
Jaco Pastorious