Thursday, November 27, 2008

MORE...

Depression.... No one wants to talk about it.

It is the "Haunter of your dreams ".

Well here I am in the middle of an episode... "who is out there who knows how I feel?"

No one..... It is down to me and me alone to sort this out. There are some out there praying that this will be the end of me...more fool you. I know that this will pass & I will be the stronger for it. In the past I never even knew that I suffered this affliction, yet now I know what it is. Many people will come up to you & say they know how you "feel" They have no idea how it feels to have the weight of all your past life on your shoulders & know it amounts to.....Nothing.

The only person who I can relate to right now is a fellow sufferer, I feel so worthless, so unimportant.
My self esteem has dropped through the floor, I know that this is a passing mood, eventually I will crawl from the floor up to the status of someone able to sit at the table. It is a hard encounter to assess your life & realise it amounts to nothing. What will I leave behind for my children? Other than a few Cd's, 20 years worth of diary's & photographs ?

Suddenly the whole weight of your existence falls in your lap & you realise it is lacking.

Listening to:

Joy Division
Cybotron
Satie
Karl heinz Stockhausen

Watching:

The mobile phone twitch

2 comments:

Katherine said...

Thinking about your music....
And listening to it, too.
Depression is the cross to bear of those who feel and experience life deeply. Feed your soul with good things and rise up again.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I am thinking about you buddy! Like the weather, after the grey days will come the sunshine. Be patient and be kind to yourself.